To Live A Dream

Anna-Christina, Olivia and I were sitting on the couch watching a cartoon on Saturday morning. All of a sudden, I practically saw the lightbulb above AC’s head, and her eyes lit up as she said, “I have a GREAT idea that Olivia and I are going to do all by ourselves today – without you!!! It will be SO much fun. But I can’t tell you what it is”. Okay, so I didn’t say much and thought she had come up with a new game that they would spend an hour or so playing. Well, soon she couldn’t hold it in any longer and told me that she had a dream that she walked all the way to Red Lake to see Papa and Grandma, and that’s what she wants to do today.

O.K. She’s joked about this before, and knows that it’s impossible. She’s made comments about flying there alone, etc and it’s always a big joke. But there was a different look in her eyes this time. She had it all laid out in her mind’s eye. She said they had to get big pink suits to go there, because that’s what Grandma was wearing in her dream. I asked her what kind of suits, “Bathing suits? Space suits? Suits and ties?” But she didn’t know. All she knew is that she would somehow find a way to get them, because she knew that’s what Grandma was wearing. (I doubt my mom ever has or will own a pink suit of any kind)

For the next few minutes, I laughed and joked about it and played along. But when I laughed, she started to get very upset and I could see the hurt in her eyes, as if I didn’t believe in her. It was SO REAL in her mind, because her dream was so real. Now I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to crush it right off the bat, but I didn’t want to play along for so long that I would soon get in trouble for letting my 5 year old walk down the street by herself, on her way to Grandma’s. I was really hoping Daryl would come home from work soon so he could reason with her. Oh believe me, I mentioned bears and wolves in the woods and hunger and lack of shelter, but she didn’t seem to think any of that would be a problem. So I told her she should call Grandma and make sure it’s okay if she comes. (I was at my wit’s end) Well of course G’ma tried to talk her out of it too, mentioning the fact that there’s no bathrooms in the bush and what if she gets tired of walking and what if she gets cold. But again, she had an answer for everything, and even though it seemed like a silly answer to us (“I’ll just wear tights and socks and long johns and pants and ski pants, then I won’t be cold”), it was very practical thinking to her. So finally Grandma gave up too and told her to call before she left so she’d know what time to expect her. Anna-Christina hung up the phone and started packing. She opened the refrigerator to see what she could take along to eat on the way, and I would say things like, “No, mango will get squished in your back pack”. Oh, and by the way, I think I can let her pack her own clothes next time we travel. She thought of everything (brush, underwear, bathing suit – just in case, pyjamas, etc.)!

She was getting more ready to walk out the door and trying to convince Olivia to come along. At first Olivia started packing too, and I sneaked into her room and whispered in her ear that her sister wasn’t really going, she was just pretending. Olivia just said with a smile, “Oh.” And put her pj’s back her drawer.

Well, soon it was almost time to leave. I sat her down and finally came up with something to stop her from walking down the street. I told her that if the police saw a 5 year old girl walking down the street, they would pick her up and bring her home. Her response was, “Well, then I’ll just try again”. I then told her that they would always bring her back, and that if they knew that her mom let her walk around by herself, they would probably take her away from her mom and not let us live together. That got her attention and she thought for awhile. Then she got big tears in her eyes, and said, “But I really wanted to walk there and I know I could do it”. I tried to hug her and console her and then the tears flowed! She was truly disappointed and upset. I think in light of her oh-so-very-real dream, she really believed she could do it. But the whole time she was doing this, it was almost as if she was thinking outside of herself, like just living her dream. Deep down inside, I know she’s smart enough to know she couldn’t or wouldn’t do it. She’s bright and she knows she could never walk that far. Later in the day, she finally had the courage to talk to Papa and Grandma on the phone and explain that she wasn’t coming. (By that point, I think she had come to grips with the fact that it wouldn’t work.)

The only explanation I have is that her dream was so vivid, she believed it could be done. And I think I know how she feels. Sometimes you wake up and you’re sure your dream really happened. Who knows, maybe she’ll invent something really great someday, or accomplish a great feat, all because of a dream.